My Deepest Desires are Finally Fulfilled

I have to say that first heading out on that walk with Elizabeth was nerve racking. I had a glimmer of hope that she had changed her mind out about a relationship with me, and I was not prepared to have my spirits relentlessly crushed. I even started to expect that I would not ask her about her feelings. However, she proceeded to bring up my involvement with Lydia's marriage and her ceaseless gratitude towards me. I was taken aback by the sincerity and friendliness in her voice, so I decided to act courageous for just a few seconds. My courage paid off as I proceeded to find that Elizabeth had indeed fallen for me. I was overwhelmed with happiness as we talked about our feelings, and I couldn't help but feel a little giddy at the thought of a wonderful life with my dear Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy.

My Aunt's Surprise Visit

As soon as I heard the news of Lady Catherine visiting Longbourn, I was caught of guard. I know my aunt well enough that I would never have expected her to visit the home of the Bennets. I assumed that word had gotten about of my flawed engagement to Elizabeth, and that my beloved Aunt was going to bare her fangs. After all, I have supposedly been promised to Miss de Bourgh ever since I was just a child. I sat at home and waited for Aunt Catherine's arrival, and when it came, I expected to be chastised and scolded for ever fraternizing with Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Instead, she told me that I would have to be careful because a promise could not be solicited of Miss Bennet to stay away from me. Instead of making me wish to stay away from Lizzy, this comment planted a hope in my heart that Elizabeth had changed her mind about me. I immediately decided to make haste for Longbourn the second my aunt left for Rosings.

A Favorable Match

You may find the title of this post entirely confusing considering my previous opinion on an engagement between Charles and Jane; however, my outlook on the world has been entirely altered by my encounters with Elizabeth. I used to think that Bingley should not marry Jane considering her poor connections, but what a hypocrite I was, desiring to marry Jane's sister. I observed the love that flowed between Jane and my dear friend while I was at Longbourn, and I observed the positive characteristics of both parties. Following my observations, I became entirely convinced that a marriage would be the best course of actions, and I gave Bingley my blessing. A few days after I left, consequently, Bingley and Jane were engaged! I hope that this results in immense happiness for the both of them, but I also hope that it will result in an increased opinion of myself in dear Elizabeth's eyes.

My Dear Friend and Miss Jane Bennet

I came back to Netherfield with Bingley, so I could find out if his relationship with Jane was actually genuine. I know he respects my opinion, and I couldn't help but dread on the fact that he ma have actually found his true love. Elizabeth's attacks on my judgement of separating the two caused me to change my outlook on the situation. I decided to allow Bingley to return, so I could see for myself if the two were meant for each other. I may have also done it just to please Miss Elizabeth. I can't help but hope that she still has feelings for me. She might not though, for I was sullen and unfriendly during dinner. I hope that Bingley's return will have some positive effect on Elizabeth's judgement of my character.

Bingley and I Visit Longbourn

My friend and I recently traveled to Hertfordshire, and after we had settled down, we were invited to Longbourn. When we entered, Elizabeth seemed to feel awkward, but she greeted us civilly. She hardly said a word throughout the rest of the evening though. Mrs. Bennet was civil yet rude to me, and I assume it was because of my attitude during my last stay at Hertfordshire. I understand that Elizabeth knows about my involvement with her sister's wedding, and whenever Mrs. Bennet made snide comments at me, Elizabeth would turn an awful shade of red. I tried to remain withdrawn from Elizabeth because, even though I like her, I still can foresee the consequences of marrying someone with such lowly connections.

The Wedding Day Arrives

Lydia and Wickham finally were wed in London, and after extensive persuasion, were allowed to visit Lingbourn one final time before heading to Newcastle. Lydia's actions when she arrived at her childhood home were disgusting as she bragged about her husband and made snide comments about her sisters' love lives. I could sense the disgust that the Elizabeth felt towards her sister, and I agree that it was well deserved. Lydia did not understand that what she had done was very wrong, and she refused to listen to reason. I will admit, however, that I did feel pleased when Lizzy became so surprised when she heard my name. Maybe her hatred of me is actually beginning to subside.

The Engagement

The letter that Mr. Gardiner sent to the Bennets revealed that he had finally discovered Lydia and her partner, Wickham.This letter brought joy to some of the Bennets, but it brought pain to Mr. Bennet. He felt indebted to his brother when he found out how little Wickham demanded in terms of money. It was instantly clear to the family that the debts which Wickham had incurred were to be payed off by Mr. Gardiner. I feel that Mr. Bennet should accept his kindness graciously instead of feeling like a terrible father. The feelings of Mrs. Bennet, however, are entirely awful in my eyes. She feels that he owes her family money and that this help is long due. I find this attitude revolting, and it is another example why, on that day at Hunsford, I told Lizzy that I liked her, but disliked her connections.