My Deepest Desires are Finally Fulfilled

I have to say that first heading out on that walk with Elizabeth was nerve racking. I had a glimmer of hope that she had changed her mind out about a relationship with me, and I was not prepared to have my spirits relentlessly crushed. I even started to expect that I would not ask her about her feelings. However, she proceeded to bring up my involvement with Lydia's marriage and her ceaseless gratitude towards me. I was taken aback by the sincerity and friendliness in her voice, so I decided to act courageous for just a few seconds. My courage paid off as I proceeded to find that Elizabeth had indeed fallen for me. I was overwhelmed with happiness as we talked about our feelings, and I couldn't help but feel a little giddy at the thought of a wonderful life with my dear Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy.

My Aunt's Surprise Visit

As soon as I heard the news of Lady Catherine visiting Longbourn, I was caught of guard. I know my aunt well enough that I would never have expected her to visit the home of the Bennets. I assumed that word had gotten about of my flawed engagement to Elizabeth, and that my beloved Aunt was going to bare her fangs. After all, I have supposedly been promised to Miss de Bourgh ever since I was just a child. I sat at home and waited for Aunt Catherine's arrival, and when it came, I expected to be chastised and scolded for ever fraternizing with Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Instead, she told me that I would have to be careful because a promise could not be solicited of Miss Bennet to stay away from me. Instead of making me wish to stay away from Lizzy, this comment planted a hope in my heart that Elizabeth had changed her mind about me. I immediately decided to make haste for Longbourn the second my aunt left for Rosings.

A Favorable Match

You may find the title of this post entirely confusing considering my previous opinion on an engagement between Charles and Jane; however, my outlook on the world has been entirely altered by my encounters with Elizabeth. I used to think that Bingley should not marry Jane considering her poor connections, but what a hypocrite I was, desiring to marry Jane's sister. I observed the love that flowed between Jane and my dear friend while I was at Longbourn, and I observed the positive characteristics of both parties. Following my observations, I became entirely convinced that a marriage would be the best course of actions, and I gave Bingley my blessing. A few days after I left, consequently, Bingley and Jane were engaged! I hope that this results in immense happiness for the both of them, but I also hope that it will result in an increased opinion of myself in dear Elizabeth's eyes.

My Dear Friend and Miss Jane Bennet

I came back to Netherfield with Bingley, so I could find out if his relationship with Jane was actually genuine. I know he respects my opinion, and I couldn't help but dread on the fact that he ma have actually found his true love. Elizabeth's attacks on my judgement of separating the two caused me to change my outlook on the situation. I decided to allow Bingley to return, so I could see for myself if the two were meant for each other. I may have also done it just to please Miss Elizabeth. I can't help but hope that she still has feelings for me. She might not though, for I was sullen and unfriendly during dinner. I hope that Bingley's return will have some positive effect on Elizabeth's judgement of my character.

Bingley and I Visit Longbourn

My friend and I recently traveled to Hertfordshire, and after we had settled down, we were invited to Longbourn. When we entered, Elizabeth seemed to feel awkward, but she greeted us civilly. She hardly said a word throughout the rest of the evening though. Mrs. Bennet was civil yet rude to me, and I assume it was because of my attitude during my last stay at Hertfordshire. I understand that Elizabeth knows about my involvement with her sister's wedding, and whenever Mrs. Bennet made snide comments at me, Elizabeth would turn an awful shade of red. I tried to remain withdrawn from Elizabeth because, even though I like her, I still can foresee the consequences of marrying someone with such lowly connections.

The Wedding Day Arrives

Lydia and Wickham finally were wed in London, and after extensive persuasion, were allowed to visit Lingbourn one final time before heading to Newcastle. Lydia's actions when she arrived at her childhood home were disgusting as she bragged about her husband and made snide comments about her sisters' love lives. I could sense the disgust that the Elizabeth felt towards her sister, and I agree that it was well deserved. Lydia did not understand that what she had done was very wrong, and she refused to listen to reason. I will admit, however, that I did feel pleased when Lizzy became so surprised when she heard my name. Maybe her hatred of me is actually beginning to subside.

The Engagement

The letter that Mr. Gardiner sent to the Bennets revealed that he had finally discovered Lydia and her partner, Wickham.This letter brought joy to some of the Bennets, but it brought pain to Mr. Bennet. He felt indebted to his brother when he found out how little Wickham demanded in terms of money. It was instantly clear to the family that the debts which Wickham had incurred were to be payed off by Mr. Gardiner. I feel that Mr. Bennet should accept his kindness graciously instead of feeling like a terrible father. The feelings of Mrs. Bennet, however, are entirely awful in my eyes. She feels that he owes her family money and that this help is long due. I find this attitude revolting, and it is another example why, on that day at Hunsford, I told Lizzy that I liked her, but disliked her connections.

A Heinous Letter from Collins

Concerning Lydia's elopement with Wickham, the Bennet's received a ghastly letter from none other than the unbearable Mr. Collins. He can't keep his mouth shut, and I doubt the letter from him did the family much good. He even had the audacity to count himself lucky for not gaining Elizabeth's hand. That was the final straw for me, for how could anyone call themselves lucky when such a handsome women has denied his proposal?! I am certainly not lucky in that respect. At least I am still courteous to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. That Mr. Collins has no respect, and in my opinion, he would have been a terrible math for Lizzy in the first place.I must also point out that Mr. Collins has begun giving advice to Mr. Bennet, and this may be a byproduct of him spending time with my dear aunt, Lady Catherine.

Shocking News from Hertfordshire

I knocked on the home where the Gardiner’s were staying in Lambton, but I was caught off guard by Elizabeth facing deep distress. I asked her what was the matter and tried to keep my composure as the two of us were awkwardly alone. She explained that her youngest sister, Lydia, had recently run off with none other than Wickham.  I was deeply angered by this because of my sister’s involvement with him, but I felt that there was nothing I could do. I offered my condolences to Elizabeth, but I did not wish to remain with her longer. I did not wish to discuss our unfortunate history, and I felt that was all that could be discussed considering the fact that I revealed the full truth of Wickham’s deceit to her and her alone. That subject would lead to the subject of her rejection of myself, and I did not wish to face that discussion at that time.

The Women take Brunch

I entered the saloon at my estate to see how the lunch between Elizabeth, my sister, and the rest of my female acquaintances was going. I noticed that Georgiana and Elizabeth had not had time to talk yet, and I tried to create a conversation between the two. I noticed Miss Bingley watching me intently with a scowl on her face, and already knowing of her intense attraction towards me, I expected nothing less than what came out of her mouth. It caught me off guard regardless. She tried to bring attention to Lizzy’s regard for Mr. Wickham during our winter at Hertfordshire. I know that she knows nothing of my sister’s involvement with him, but it must have hurt dear Georgiana nonetheless. Lizzy answered politely and attempted to move the conversation onward, and I was even more awed by Lizzy trying to do that for my sister. Even if it never goes anywhere I still maintain a deep regard for Elizabeth Bennet. 

My Sister Meets Miss Elizabeth Bennet

The day following my run in with Elizabeth at my estate, my sister, Bingley, and I all traveled to Lambton. I desired to introduce my sister to the most amazing women I had ever met, and I believed Bingley would enjoy catching up with a past acquaintance. I know my sister is very shy, and most people think of her as a proud and rude woman, but Elizabeth seemed to understand immediately the extent of dear Georgiana’s personality. This made me appreciate Elizabeth even more, though I highly doubt we can ever have a normal relationship. I am also quite amazed at Bingley’s interaction with Elizabeth. He believed no one to be looking, but on several occasions I saw him inquiring with great interest to the health of the Bennet sisters, probably Jane in particular. This caught me off guard because I believed Bingley to have no real attachment to that woman. It is hard to believe that my judgment could have been so wrong.

My Surprise Encounter with Miss Elizabeth Bennet

I recently ran into Miss Bennet at Pemberley. I admit I was very shocked at first and also taken aback by her audacity to come to my home. After a few minutes I came to my senses and realized that I still had some feelings for her. I was still astonished by her refusing my hand in marriage, but I tried to be as civil and welcoming as possible. We talked for a few minutes, and she went on her way. Maybe it was fate that brought us back together. I could see the regret on her face for her previous feelings of me, and I can’t help but wondering whether we will end up together in the end. At least I can hope that she changes her impression of me.

Elizabeth's Journey to Pemberley

When I discovered that Elizabeth wold be coming to my home, I was shocked and a little bit angry. After awhile though, I felt better, and I thought to myself that it would work out for the best. I was hoping that my letter would change her feelings about me, and if it did what I had hoped, she would be feeling terrible about declining my offer. She would have to deal with the shame of using such harsh words with me, and she will have no hope for renewed sentiments. I will stay out of her way, but I hope she will begin to feel guilt for her awful treatments of me and my pride.

Lizzy's Conversation with Wickham

I am happy to know that Lizzy now feels that I am the one who was hurt following the end of my correspondence with Wickham. During the conversation between the two of them, she seemed to defend me as he continuously attempted to change her opinion. She said that she had a deeper understanding of my character, and I am glad my letter did that for her, but I still find it upsetting that she denied my offer of marriage. I have no plan of renewing that previous offer, but I am content knowing that if I asked her now, she would have no reason to deny my offer.

Jane and Elizabeth Discuss the Details of my Proposal

I found myself feeling oddly better when Jane and Lizzy discussed the events following to and proceeding the proposal of my hand in marriage. I still find my pride to be greatly wounded, but it prongs pleasure to myself that Lizzy is feeling upset about her treatment of me. I am also relieved that Jane now realizes the true extent of Wickham's actions towards me. I also find it relieving that Elizabeth will not inform anybody on the contents of my letter. I would not want her to be the one that expose him for the monster that he really is. The letter did its purpose of changing Lizzy's mind about me, and I can be content knowing that she may live with regrets after treating me so ill.

On Elizabeth's Return Home

My opinion about the younger Bennet sister's being unruly was proved when Elizabeth's party arrived in Hertfordshire. The entire time the youngest daughter, Lydia, kept going on about the soldiers. She hardly listened to a word that came out of either of her sisters' mouth. She has begun to remind me of a much younger Mrs. Bennet. How could Elizabeth expect me to want to marry somebody with relatives as atrocious as that. When I spoke my mind to her about her family during my proposal, I hope she began to understand how terrible an effect her relatives have on her entire life.

My Letter to Elizabeth

Following the events of my proposal, I was mortified and embarrassed. I wished to explain myself to Lizzy, but I did not wish to renew the offer of matrimony. I simply wished to communicate to her the truth of the stories which she had accused me of the following evening. I couldn't let her foster increased anger for me over events that were not intentionally my fault. I wrote her a letter at eight this morning in order to explain myself in the case of Mr. Wickham and to make her understand that I didn't know that Bingley and Elizabeth were completely in love. I will not defend my actions in either scenario, for I know what I did was right. I just hope that Elizabeth will understand my reasoning after she has finished reading my letter.

My Deepest Feelings Come to Light

Upon hearing that the lovely Miss Elizabeth Bennet had fallen ill, I made certain to visit her and make sure she was absolutely alright. I was extremely upset at her ill health, but I also wanted to express my feelings for her before the date of my departure. When I arrived at Hunsford, I immediately inquired after her health, and upon a favorable answer, I was determined to press on. I expressed my deepest feelings for her and asked for her hand in marriage, but I explained that it was difficult for someone in my position to foster feelings for someone with such inferiority. I was astonished when she turned down my request. How dare a woman with such inferior connections turn me down?! ME?! Fitzwilliam Darcy!!! I continued anyway, and I discovered her reasons for a negative answer were the way I had treated her sister and Mr. Wickham. These were simply excuses, and I was angry that she would make them simply in anger of the way I had phrased my question. I told her this and was blindsided when she exclaimed that she would have never have accepted my hand. I was mortified, so I apologized for expressing such feelings and left for Rosings hastily.

An Easter Feast

Mr. Collins, his wife, and their guests recently came to Easter dinner at Rosings. As always, Lady Catherine was particularly forward, and she offered her opinion on all aspects of the evening. I was particularly ashamed of her actions when she offered Miss Elizabeth Bennet use of the servants' piano. She treated Elizabeth as a commoner even though I see in her beauty and magnificence. Following coffee, Elizabeth sat down to play the piano and I maneuvered myself in her direction. I wished to see her, but she simply smirked at my approach. I tried to have a general conversation with her; however, she seemed quite amused. I went along with it as she made fun of me about my time at Hertfordshire, and i feel as if we made a connection. I am still uncertain as to how she feels about me, but I am hopeful that she is beginning to warm up to my presence.

Arrival at Rosings

My cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and I recent;y arrived at the estate of dear Lady Catherine. Upon our arrival, I came upon the knowledge that Miss Elizabeth Bennet was currently staying at Hunsford with her dear friend, a Mrs. Collins. I was surprised to hear of this, so I made my way over to the parsonage immediately. Elizabeth looked as beautiful as ever, and following my return to Rosings, she was all I could think about. Throughout that entire week I attempted to avoid her, but my mind was filled thoughts of her as well as her deep eyes. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I could not avoid her, and despite the obvious fact that her connections are not satisfactory, I still desired to be with her.